Why Breakups Happen Around the Holidays

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of love, connection, and closeness. Yet for many people in Brooklyn and across New York City, the holidays coincide with an increase in breakups, relationship conflict, and emotional distress.

As therapists, we frequently see clients ask: Why is my relationship falling apart now?The answer is rarely simple—but psychology, seasonal mental health research, and clinical experience offer meaningful insight.

Below, we explore why breakups commonly happen around the holidays, including the overlooked roles of homesickness, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), emotional pressure, and year-end reflection.

The Holidays Intensify Emotional Stress in Relationships

The holiday season places unusual emotional demands on couples. There is often pressure to feel joyful, connected, and grateful—regardless of what is actually happening internally or relationally.

Research on emotional amplification shows that high-stress, high-expectation periods tend to magnify existing relationship dynamics. In other words, the holidays don’t usually cause breakups; they reveal what has already been present.

Common stressors include:

• Increased time together without normal routines

• Financial pressure related to travel and gift-giving

• Conflicting expectations about traditions and family

• Reduced emotional regulation during high-stress periods

When a relationship already feels unsteady, the emotional intensity of the holidays can make avoidance impossible.

Homesickness Can Strain Relationships--Especially in Brooklyn

Homesickness is an often-overlooked contributor to holiday relationship stress, particularly for people living in Brooklyn, where many residents are far from their families of origin.

Psychological research shows that homesickness is not limited to children or college students it impacts adults as well, especially during emotionally symbolic times like the holidays.

Homesickness may show up as:

• Increased irritability or emotional withdrawal

• Grief or sadness tied to distance from family

• Feeling “out of place” or unsupported

• Heightened longing for familiarity and comfort

In relationships, this can create misattunement. One partner may interpret emotional withdrawal as relationship dissatisfaction, when the underlying pain is actually loss, nostalgia, or unmet attachment needs connected to home and family.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Relationship Conflict

Winter in New York brings shorter days, reduced sunlight, and long periods indoors all of which affect mental health. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and subclinical seasonal depression are associated with changes in mood, energy, libido, and emotional regulation.

Symptoms of SAD can include:

• Low mood or numbness

• Fatigue and reduced motivation

• Increased need for sleep

• Difficulty experiencing pleasure or connection

These changes can significantly impact relationships. Research shows that depressive symptoms reduce perceived relationship satisfaction, even when the relationship itself hasn’t changed.

Partners may begin to think:

• I don’t feel connected anymore

• Something must be wrong with us

• This relationship doesn’t make me happy

When SAD is unrecognized, emotional disconnection may be mistakenly attributed to the relationship rather than the seasonally driven nervous system changes underneath it.

Family Gatherings Bring Long-Term Compatibility Into Focus

The holidays often involve navigating family systems, which activates deeper psychological questions about belonging, boundaries, and the future.

From a family systems perspective, holidays can highlight:

• Differences in family values or cultural traditions

• Uneven emotional labor or boundary-setting

• Discomfort imagining long-term shared holidays

For many clients, especially those considering commitment, this time of year surfaces clarity around whether a relationship is sustainable.

Year-End Reflection Can Lead to Relationship Reckoning

Psychologists refer to the end of the year as a temporal landmark—a natural moment for reflection and reassessment. People evaluate where they are versus where they want to be.

Questions that often arise:

• Am I growing in this relationship?

• Do I feel lonely even with a partner?

• Is this relationship aligned with my future?

For some couples, this leads to renewed commitment. For others, it crystallizes a realization that the relationship no longer fits.

Why Holiday Breakups Feel Especially Painful

Breakups during the holidays tend to carry additional emotional weight because they are layered with:

• Loss of shared traditions

• Increased isolation and loneliness

• Cultural pressure to appear happy

• Seasonal depression and nervous system stress

This combination often makes grief feel sharper and more confusing—especially in a city where winter can already feel emotionally isolating.

A Therapist’s Perspective on Healing and Support

If you’re navigating a breakup or questioning your relationship during the holidays, it does not mean you failed or made a mistake. More often, it means that emotional, seasonal, and relational truths are surfacing at the same time.

Working with a therapist can help you:

• Differentiate seasonal mood changes from relational issues

• Process grief, homesickness, and loss

• Understand relationship patterns and attachment needs

• Make intentional decisions rather than reactive ones

At GroveMind Therapy in Brooklyn, we support individuals and couples through relationship transitions with care, clarity, and emotional depth especially during the winter months when mental health challenges tend to intensify.

Looking for Therapy in Brooklyn?

If the holidays have brought up questions about your relationship, mood, or sense of belonging, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can help you slow down, reflect, and reconnect with yourself first. Please reach out below.